Q: I married Miss Right.
A: I just didn’t know her first name was “Always”.
One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in their notebooks. She noticed that Chip, the dumb jock, was having trouble with her directions.
“Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip?” said the teacher.
“Nope. I haven’t,” said the dumb jock. “Somebody went through and drew lines across all of the pages.”
A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen. So he asked, “God, are you listening?”
And God replied, “Yes my son, I am here.”
The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards the sky and said, “God, what is a million years to you?”
God replied, “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you.”
So the man continued to walk and to ponder… walk and ponder… Then he looked to the sky again and said, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”
And God replied, “My son, my son…a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little.”
The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, “God, can I have a million dollars?”
And God replied, “In a second.”
A harried driving instructor came home from work, kicked off his shoes, and fell into a chair. “I’m thinking of taking six or seven of my students to England,” he said.
“What on earth for?” his wife asked.
“It might make them feel good to see what it’s like to drive on the left side of the road-legally.”