A policeman stops a drunkard staggering on the sidewalk in the middle of the night:
👮 Policeman: Where are you going at this hour of the night?
👨 Drunkard: To a lecture.
👮 Policeman: Oh? And who gives a lecture at this time?
👨 Drunkard: My wife.
Policemen are on a bus heading to a union trip. Before entering a tunnel, the bus driver realizes that the tunnel is too low, or the bus is too tall.
“Push down the roof by five centimeters!” the commander shouts to the policemen.
“There’s no need,” says the bus driver. “I’ll let some air out of the tires, and it will fit.”
“Idiot! It’s too tall at the top, not at the bottom!” the commander yells. 👮♂️👮♂️
A cop stops a car speeding at two hundred where the limit is forty:
“You, didn’t you see the speed limit sign?”
Driver: “How could I at this speed?” 👮♂️🚸
Q: What did the police officer say to his belly button?
A: “You’re under a vest!”
A policeman sent his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife.
– No darling, we can’t do it here, our kid is watching us.
– You are right, lets go to the beach.
After a while, they start to make love on an empty beach. All of a sudden, a policeman walks in on them.
– Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can’t do that in public.
– You are right – said the husband – but I had a moment of weakness. We didn’t see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.
– Don’t worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it.
On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.
– Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?
– Because we are not sure that we will find a place to make a u-turn on the top of the mountain.
After one hour the same man sees the same police car driving downhill backwards again.
– But guys, why are you driving backwards again?
– We found a place to make a u-turn up there.
Two policemen are in a patrol car:
– Could you check if the turn signals work on your side of the car?
The other policeman looks through the window and says:
– Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no…
– Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?
– ???
– The stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don’t exist.
A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
– You are ruining police reputation, go home and change the shoes.
The policeman goes home, and comes back after a while.
– Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.
Two policemen are going to work:
– Shall we take a bus or walk?
– Well, lets see what arrives first.
Cop asks suspect questions:
– What is your DOB ?
– What’s DOB, man ?
– Your birthday.
– Oh, that. September 5th.
– What year ?
– Every year, man!
Cop jokes play with the lighter side of law enforcement and the everyday encounters between police officers and the public. These jokes might touch on the humorous misunderstandings that can happen during traffic stops, the playful banter between officers, or the quirky situations cops find themselves in. For instance, a joke might go about a police officer who tries to ticket a speeding snail, asking, “Why so slow?” Or jest about an officer who moonlights as a comedian because he’s great at “standing up” to people. The humor often stems from wordplay, the contrast between the serious nature of policing and the silliness of certain situations, or the unexpected outcomes of routine duties. Cop jokes aim to bring a smile by showcasing the human, approachable side of those who work to keep our communities safe.
