Donations To The United Way

Donations To The United Way

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer, so a volunteer was sent to solicit his donation.

"Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community through The United Way."

The lawyer said, "First, are you aware that my mother is dying from a long, painful illness? And that she has medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Uh, no."

"Second, did you know my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair, and unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep mumbled another, "Uh, no."

"Third, do you realize that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful traffic accident leaving her penniless, with a huge mortgage and three young children?"

The United Way rep was humiliated. "No, sir. I had no idea."

The lawyer concluded, "Well, then. If I don’t give any money to them, why do you think I’d give any to you?!"

Related Jokes

Yo Mama so Fat

Yo mama’s so fat her belt size is the equator!
Yo mama is so fat she doesen’t use a fork she uses a forklift.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven, and the devil said there was no room in hell.
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone.
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat her nickname is “Lardo”.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven, and the devil said there was no room in hell.
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat we’re in her right now.
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.
Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her.
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and people run around yelling “Free Willy!”
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat when she wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “Okay!”
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”

Yo Mama So Fat

Yo mama’s so big, fat, and clumsy when she tried to get to Wal-Mart she stumbled over K-Mart and landed right on Target.

Woman Mechanic

WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor!”

HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”

WIFE: “In the pool.”

Will prescription

The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,

“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”

Why I Am So Tired

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.

Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

This leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me . . . and you’re sitting there reading jokes.