Foreign Student

Foreign Student

It was the first day of school (in US) and a new student, Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me death?'” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for that of Suzuki, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”

“Very good! Who said, “Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth'”? Again, no response except from Suzuki: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “F—–g Japanese.” “Who said that?” she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982,”

At that point, a student in the back sighed, “I’m gonna puke!” The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now who said that?”

Again, Suzuki says “George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.” Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah! Suck this!”

Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.”

Related Jokes

Turn On Your Energizer Bunny

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?

He keeps coming and coming and coming…

True friends and best friends

What is the difference between a true
friend and a best friend?

True friend is the person who helps
you up when you fall…. a best friend
is the person peeing in their pants on the
floor because they are the ones who tripped
you!!!

Truck Driver

Johnny asked his Mom if he could go to the local carnival. She said, “Yes.”

At the carnival Johnny won the ring toss and selected a huge bag of M&M’s for his prize. Excited he ran home to show his Mom. After showing her his prize he asked if he could have some M&M’s.

She said,”Yes but, don’t eat too many — it’s almost dinner.” She poured a small amount into his hand.

Johnny tipped his head back and popped the handful into his mouth. He ran over to the house cat, picked it up, bit it, put it down, ran outside, and jumped on his bike racing it around the house a few times. Afterward Johnny went back into the house and asked for some more M&M’s. Puzzled she poured some more into his hand.

Again, Johnny repeated actions a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time.

Upon the 5th request his Mom asked,”Johnny, what are you doing?”

Johnny replies,”I’m playing truck driver.”

She says,”Truck driver? Can you explain?” Johnny says,”Yes, I’m popping pills, eating pussy, and driving like hell!”

Translating Male Phrases

“I’m going fishing.”
Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means…. “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means… “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means… Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means… “I have no idea how it works.”

“I’m getting more exercise lately.”
Really means… “The batteries in the remote are dead.”

“We’re going to be late.”
Really means… “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

Traffic Stop

1st Officer: “Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?”
2nd Officer: “Who?”
1st Officer: “Janet Jackson!”
2nd Officer: “What she do, was she speeding?”
1st Officer: “Nah, she had one headlight out.”