Anyjokes - Nerd Jokes

I'm positive

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ’I think I’ve lost an electron.’

The other says ’Are you sure?’

The first says, ’Yes, I’m positive.’!

Superstition

An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the door frame of his office.

Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck charm that helped his forecasts. But do you believe in that superstition? he was asked,

he said, “Of course not!”

But then why do you keep it?

“Well,” he said, “it works whether you believe in it or not.”

The story is actually told about a non-economist, Danish Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr.

Reason for dinosaurs got extinct

Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.

If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs…the tallest ones, anyway.

Skeleton Joke

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

It’s ’cause he didn’t have the guts!

Prison

How do prisoners call each other?

On their cell phones.

Boomerang

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?

A stick.

You are an Engineer

If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”

If your family sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas

If Dilbert is your hero

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys

If you use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car

You Might Be a Computer Nerd

You might be a computer nerd if you can’t get up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom without checking your email!

You Know You're Addicted to the Net When

1) All of your friends have @ in their names

2) You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem

3) Your spouse makes a new rule… Computers don’t come to bed.

4) You laugh at people with 56K modems.

5) You start tilting your head to smile :-)

6) Your phone bill comes to your house in a box

7) You find yourself typing com after every period

8) You start introducing your self as ‘Jon@internet.com’