What do I look like?

What do I look like?

A man came home from work one day and his wife asked
him to fix the toilet. The man says “who do i look like the plumber?” and never fixed it….

The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says “who do i look like a blad specialist?” and never fixed it….

The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the refrigerator. The man says “who do i look like the maytag repair man?” and never fixed it….

man comes home the next day and his wife told him she hired someone to fix the fridge, someone to fix the garbage disposal, and someone to fix the toilet. The man asks his wife “how much did it cost?” His wife says “i had to either bake them a cake or have sex with them.” The man asks his wife “what kinda cake did you bake them?” the wife says “who do i look like Betty Crocker?”

Related Jokes

Honeymoon

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th anniversary in the same hotel and city where they spent their honeymoon. Before the act, he excused himself and went to loo and after a while came out laughing loudly.
”On our first night,” the woman said, “you did the same thing and came out laughing. At the time, I was too embarrassed to ask what you were laughing about. Can you explain?”
”On that night while urinating, I made the roof wet. Today my shoes are wet.”

Hold me

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ’’I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’’ The husband says, ’’WHAT??’’ The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them.

Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ’’But you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let’s get it.’’

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says ’’Okay, I’m ready, let’s go to the cash register.’’ The husband says, ’’No – no – no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff.’’

The wife’s face goes blank. ’’No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.’’

Hold Me

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ’’I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’’ The husband says, ’’WHAT??’’ The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them.

Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ’’But you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let’s get it.’’

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says ’’Okay, I’m ready, let’s go to the cash register.’’ The husband says, ’’No – no – no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff.’’

The wife’s face goes blank. ’’No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.’’

Hearing Vs. Listening

What a woman says:

Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now!

What a man hears:

C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!

Ferrari

A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could get very far he heard sirens. He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but then he came to his senses and pulled over. The cop walked over and asked for the man’s license and registration. Then the cop said, “Listen, Mac, it’s Friday, I’m tired, and I just want to go home, so if you can give me an excuse I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a minute, then replied, “My wife ran off with a cop the other day, and I thought you were trying to give her back to me.”

The cop nodded and said, “Have a nice day.”

A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could get very far he heard sirens. He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but then he came to his senses and pulled over. The cop walked over and asked for the man’s license and registration. Then the cop said, “Listen, Mac, it’s Friday, I’m tired, and I just want to go home, so if you can give me an excuse I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a minute, then replied, “My wife ran off with a cop the other day, and I thought you were trying to give her back to me.”

The cop nodded and said, “Have a nice day.”