Jeff Bezos is going to space today. If any Amazon workers have to use the bathroom, now's the time.
Grampa and Grandma were sitting a the table. Grandma gets up suddenly,
rolls up her newspaper and proceeds to slap Grandpa upside the head. He
says, “What was that for?”
Grandma says, “That’s for 40 years of bad sex.”
Grandpa sits there muttering, rolls up his newspaper, and goes over and
slaps Grandma upside the head.
She says, “Now what’s that for?”
He says, “That’s for knowing the difference.”
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”
“Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”
“Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box.”
Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
They can’t find the zipper.
Q: What does a farmer count his cows with?
A: A Cow-culator!
A man was walking down the street and on the corner were 3 drunks trying to raise a telephone pole. They worked and worked and finally got the thing in the air. Two of of the drunks held the pole and the other climbed on top. He let down a a tape measure. This fellow couldn’t take it any more so he asks what they were doing.
They said, “We are measuring this pole.”
The man asks, “Why didn’t you measure it on the ground?”
They said, “We know how long it is, now we want to know how tall it is.”