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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

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Three Hellos

A man comes home from work early to find his wife in bed with three men.

He is completely shocked and shouts, ”Hello, Hello, Hello!”

His wife whines, “What? No hello for me!?!”

Mother Nature

Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF!, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, “I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life….. as a matter of fact, you won’t have any butter for anything the rest of your life!” THEN POOF!….she was gone.

After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. “Fred, where are you?”

Fred yells back, “I’m over here, in the Pussywillows.”

Harry yells back……”DON’T SWING FRED!!!” “For God sake, DON’T SWING!!”

Floppy

What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

Blondes and Waterskiing

Why can you not teach blondes to waterski?

When they get wet, they roll over on their backs!