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Jeff Bezos is going to space today. If any Amazon workers have to use the bathroom, now's the time.

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Ford Cars vs Golf Balls

What’s the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Tickets

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

Blonde basement

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A whine cellar.

Shopping More Interesting

Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples’ carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone,’I think we have a code 3 in housewares,’ and see what happens.

5. Put a box of Smarties on lay-away.

6. Move ‘CAUTION WET FLOOR’ signs to carpetted areas.

7. Set up a tent in the sports section; tell others you’ll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why won’t you people leave me alone?’

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the sports section, ask the clerk if the gun comes with anti depressant prescriptions?

11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again’.

15. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ……’Hey we’re out of toilet paper in here!

The Blonde and the Librarian

A blonde walks into a library and shouts “I’LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES.”

The librarian says, “This is a library.”

The blonde says, “Yes I know. I’LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.”

And the librarian says, one more time, ”But this is a library, miss!”

The blonde goes “Oh,” and whispers, “I’ll have a hamburger a coke and fries!”