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Joke Of The Day

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.

The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"

The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it.

Last Added Jokes

Shopping More Interesting

Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples’ carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone,’I think we have a code 3 in housewares,’ and see what happens.

5. Put a box of Smarties on lay-away.

6. Move ‘CAUTION WET FLOOR’ signs to carpetted areas.

7. Set up a tent in the sports section; tell others you’ll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why won’t you people leave me alone?’

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the sports section, ask the clerk if the gun comes with anti depressant prescriptions?

11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again’.

15. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ……’Hey we’re out of toilet paper in here!

Piece of Ass

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in is mouth and asked, “Do you know what it is?”

“No, I don’t,” said the little boy.

“Okay, I’ll give you a clue. It’s the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work.”

That’s when a little girl at the back of the room yelled, “Spit it out! It’s a piece of ass!!”

Ethiopian

What goes a hundred miles an hour around the desert?

An Ethiopian with a free voucher at McDonald’s!

Yo Mamma So Dumb

YO MOMMA’S SO DUMB…

she thought an “E” on your report card meant excellent and an “F” meant fantastic! 

she thinks 2+2=22

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she tried to M&M;’s in alphabetical order.

she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

she thought General Motors was in the army.

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

under “education” on her jop application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

she tried to drown a fish.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice container because it said “Concentrate.”

she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

they had to burn the school down to get her outta 3rd grade.

at the bottom of the applicatione where it says “sign here”, she wrote “Sagittarius.”

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

it takes her two hours to watch “60 minutes.”

if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.

she studied for a blood test – and failed.

she thought she needed proper change to get on the “Soul Train.”

she sold her car for gas money.

when she saw the “NC-17, under 17 not admitted”, she went home and got 16 friends.

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

I said it was chilly outside and she went to get a bowl.

she crashed (her car) into a parked car.

she told everyone she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.

she puts lipstick on her head to make up her mind.

she bought a solor-powered flashlight.

she took a cup when she went to see Juice.

she asked me wha number for 911 was.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

when she read on her job application “DO NOT WRITE BELOW THE DOTTED LINE,” she wrote, “O.K.”

she stole free bread.

she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

she called Dan Quayle for a spell check (?)

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

she makes Beavis and Butthead look like Nobel Prize winners.

when asked on an application, “Sex?” she marked, “M, F, and sometimes wednesday, too.”

when you stand next to her, you can hear the ocean.

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hambuger at McDonald’s.

she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

she bought a videocamera to record cable TV shows at home.

she jumped out of a window and went up.

she took an umbrella to see “Purple Rain”

she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.