Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.
Baby Camel: Mum, why do we have such a huge hump?
Mum Camel: They’re for storing fat in out in the desert.
Baby Camel: Why do we have hooves, then?
Mum Camel: So our feet don’t sink into the hot sand.
Baby Camel: Why do we have these long, fluttery eyelashes?
Mum Camel: To keep the sand out of our eyes in a sandstorm.
A moment later…
Baby Camel: Right. So why do we have all this stuff if we live in the London Zoo?
“Some plants,” said the teacher, “have the prefix “dog. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by ‘dog’.”
“I can,” shouted a little redhead from the back row, “Collieflower!”
If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have?
A bloody big cricket.
A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for “Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, “Is it male or female?”
“Male,” he replies.
“Oh yeah, we can do that. I’ll be right there,” he states.
An hour later, the service guy shows up with a stick, a Rottweiler, a shotgun, and a large pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. “I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls out of the tree. When he does, the trained Rotty will move in and savage the gorilla’s private parts. The gorilla will then cross his hands across his crotch to protect himself, and that’s when you move in with the handcuffs!”
The man goes pale and asks, “Um, okay, but what do I do with the shotgun?”
The service guy replies, “Hopefully nothing, but if I happen to fall out of the tree before the gorilla, you’ve got to shoot that Rottweiler!”
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”
“Yes,” the other bat answers.
“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”