Funny Jokes
Send a Joke

Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

C-ing I Dog

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.

“Just watch me and follow my lead,” he said.

He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, “I’m sorry but I can’t let you in here.”

The guy looked at the bartender and asked, “Why not?”

The bartender replied, “Well, we don’t allow dogs into the bar.”

“But this is my seeing eye dog,” the guy said.

“Oh, I’m sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.”

The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can’t let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.

“But this is my seeing eye dog,” said the second guy.

The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, “Sir, ah um a Chihuahua?”

The man looked a little puzzled and then said, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?”

Latest Animal Jokes

Raven and Dog

Q: What do you get when you cross a raven with a mad dog?

A: A ravin lunatic.

Parrotstitutes

A woman went to her priest with a problem. “Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”

“That’s terrible!” exclaimed the priest. “But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed “Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!”

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Q: Why do gorillas have big noses?

A: Because they have big fingers.

C-ing I Dog

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.

“Just watch me and follow my lead,” he said.

He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, “I’m sorry but I can’t let you in here.”

The guy looked at the bartender and asked, “Why not?”

The bartender replied, “Well, we don’t allow dogs into the bar.”

“But this is my seeing eye dog,” the guy said.

“Oh, I’m sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.”

The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can’t let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.

“But this is my seeing eye dog,” said the second guy.

The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, “Sir, ah um a Chihuahua?”

The man looked a little puzzled and then said, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?”

Meals on Wheels

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, ‘You’ve been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.’

The cats says, ‘Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.’ God says, ‘Say no more.’ And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, ‘All our lives we’ve had to run. We’ve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.’ God says, ‘Say no more.’ And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

‘How are you doing? Are you happy here?’

The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”