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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Cricket

If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have?

A bloody big cricket.

Latest Animal Jokes

Camel Gear

Baby Camel: Mum, why do we have such a huge hump?

Mum Camel: They’re for storing fat in out in the desert.

Baby Camel: Why do we have hooves, then?

Mum Camel: So our feet don’t sink into the hot sand.

Baby Camel: Why do we have these long, fluttery eyelashes?

Mum Camel: To keep the sand out of our eyes in a sandstorm.

A moment later…

Baby Camel: Right. So why do we have all this stuff if we live in the London Zoo?

The Hamster Show

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing “Tuff Enuff” by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

“That IS amazing!” says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

“If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?” The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

“Are you nuts?” asks the bartender. “You could’ve made a fortune off that frog.”

“Can you keep a secret?” asks the man. “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”

Locks

What keys can’t open locks?
Monkeys, donkeys, and turkey.

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Q: Why do gorillas have big noses?

A: Because they have big fingers.

Mouse Hole

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. “Dude,” he told a friend, “I’ve tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back.” “I had the same thing man,” his friend says. “All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes.” “That’s it?” the guy asked. “I’ll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents.”
About a week later the guy gets a call. “How’s it going with the mice, buddy?” “Not so good, dude.” “What’s the problem?” his friend asks. “To be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart.”