A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This ones $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said.
“Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?”
“This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.”
“And the other?” said the customer.
“This one can sing Wagners entire Ring cycle. Theres another one inthe back room for $30,000.”
“Holy moly! What does that one do?”
“Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him Maestro.”
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because he was stuck to the chicken’s bottom.
A cat walks into a bar
A cat walks into a bar…
A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no.
Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” and again the clerk says no.
Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?”
The clerk says, “No, and if you ask again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.”
The duck comes back five minutes later and asks, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk says no. The duck says, “Good. Do you have any grapes?”
What does a fish smoke?