The Better Bull
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments, “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”
The second bull is to be sold: “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”
Again the wife bugs her husband, “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!”
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!”
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”
The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back, “Sure, once a day! But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!”
Baby Camel: Mum, why do we have such a huge hump?
Mum Camel: They’re for storing fat in out in the desert.
Baby Camel: Why do we have hooves, then?
Mum Camel: So our feet don’t sink into the hot sand.
Baby Camel: Why do we have these long, fluttery eyelashes?
Mum Camel: To keep the sand out of our eyes in a sandstorm.
A moment later…
Baby Camel: Right. So why do we have all this stuff if we live in the London Zoo?
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. “Dude,” he told a friend, “I’ve tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back.” “I had the same thing man,” his friend says. “All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes.” “That’s it?” the guy asked. “I’ll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents.”
About a week later the guy gets a call. “How’s it going with the mice, buddy?” “Not so good, dude.” “What’s the problem?” his friend asks. “To be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart.”
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
The Law of the Jungle
Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes.
His friend looked at him. ”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?”
”I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”