Vici in šale
Send a Joke

Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Grapes

A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no.

Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” and again the clerk says no.

Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?”

The clerk says, “No, and if you ask again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.”

The duck comes back five minutes later and asks, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk says no. The duck says, “Good. Do you have any grapes?”

Zadnji dodani Animal Jokes

The Boss

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?”
The assistant says, “$2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive.

The assistant explains, “This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.”

“What about the green one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, “He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.”

“What about the red one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, “That one’s $10,000.”

The man says, “What does HE do?”

The assistant says, “I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Because they have big fingers!

Not Your Typical Chicken Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Part of a the CIA’s specially trained elite team of fowl, this stealthy chicken is on a perilous misson.

His object? No less than to uncover the secret documents of the infamous Polish scientist, Dr. Poppycockski.

Dr. Poppycockski, code name: Cock, has outlandish, yet devilsihly clever plans for total world domination, which begin with the great nation of Haiti.

Three Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian’s. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, ‘What are you in here for, buddy?’

The dog looked depressed.
“I’m in big trouble,” he said. “My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he’s having me put to sleep.”

“I know how you feel,” said the second dog. “My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn’t help myself. I fucked all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They’re having me put to sleep too.”

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.

“So what are you here for?’ they asked.

“Well”, said the third dog, ‘my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.’

The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
“So she’s having you put to sleep too, huh?”

“No,” said the dog, “I’m having my nails clipped”

Grapes

A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no.

Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” and again the clerk says no.

Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?”

The clerk says, “No, and if you ask again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.”

The duck comes back five minutes later and asks, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk says no. The duck says, “Good. Do you have any grapes?”