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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Not Your Typical Chicken Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Part of a the CIA’s specially trained elite team of fowl, this stealthy chicken is on a perilous misson.

His object? No less than to uncover the secret documents of the infamous Polish scientist, Dr. Poppycockski.

Dr. Poppycockski, code name: Cock, has outlandish, yet devilsihly clever plans for total world domination, which begin with the great nation of Haiti.

Latest Animal Jokes

Three Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian’s. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, ‘What are you in here for, buddy?’

The dog looked depressed.
“I’m in big trouble,” he said. “My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he’s having me put to sleep.”

“I know how you feel,” said the second dog. “My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn’t help myself. I fucked all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They’re having me put to sleep too.”

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.

“So what are you here for?’ they asked.

“Well”, said the third dog, ‘my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.’

The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
“So she’s having you put to sleep too, huh?”

“No,” said the dog, “I’m having my nails clipped”

Dog Flowers

“Some plants,” said the teacher, “have the prefix “dog. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by ‘dog’.”

“I can,” shouted a little redhead from the back row, “Collieflower!”

A Bunnys Wish

A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. “I wish…that all the bears in this forest were female.” The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. “I wish…that all the bears in this country to be female!” The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, “You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!” Then he asked for his last wish. “I wish…that all the bears in this world to be female!” The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, “I wish the bear was gay.”

A giraffe and a bunny

A giraffe and a bunny talk.
Says the giraffe:
“Bunny, if you knew how beautiful it is, a long Neck to have. This is sooo tollll! Each tasty leaf that
I eat slowly move down my neck and long I enjoy this delicacy soo long. ”
The bunny looks blankly at the giraffe.
“And until the summer, Bunny, I am telling you, the cool water
so deliciously refreshing when it slowly my long neck sliding down. This is soooo beautiful, just a great to have such a long neck. Bunny, you can get the imagine? ”
Bunnies without emotions: “Have you ever puked?”

Frog’s Dream

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is gonna meet a young girl.
The teller tells him, “Yes, you are.”
The frog replies, “Where? In a bar or at a party?”
The teller says, “In biology class!”