Got any crackers?
A duck walks into a bar and asks “got any crackers?”
bar tender says no.
Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, “got any crackers?”
bar tender says no. Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks got any crackers?
Bar tender says, “I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time Ill nail your beak shut!” Duck walks out.
Duck comes back the next day and asks, “got any nails?” bar tender says no. Duck says “good. Got any crackers?”
C-ing I Dog
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.
“Just watch me and follow my lead,” he said.
He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, “I’m sorry but I can’t let you in here.”
The guy looked at the bartender and asked, “Why not?”
The bartender replied, “Well, we don’t allow dogs into the bar.”
“But this is my seeing eye dog,” the guy said.
“Oh, I’m sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.”
The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can’t let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.
“But this is my seeing eye dog,” said the second guy.
The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, “Sir, ah um a Chihuahua?”
The man looked a little puzzled and then said, “What? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
A Bunnys Wish
A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. “I wish…that all the bears in this forest were female.” The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. “I wish…that all the bears in this country to be female!” The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, “You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!” Then he asked for his last wish. “I wish…that all the bears in this world to be female!” The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, “I wish the bear was gay.”
What do you get when you cross an elephant and kangaroo together?
Giant holes all over Africa!
A woman went to her priest with a problem. “Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”
“That’s terrible!” exclaimed the priest. “But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed “Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!”