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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Penguins to the Zoo

This man had to take a bunch of penguins to the zoo for the new exibit. On the way into town his truck broke down and he pulled
over to the side of the road. A guy pulls up next to him and says, ‘Hey, do you need some help?’
The man says, ‘Actually, all I need is to get these penguins to the zoo. If I give you 50 bucks will you make sure you take hem?’
So the guy takes the money and the penguins and takes off. The man went to fix his truck and an hour later he’s pulling up into town to go check on the penguins.
He stops at a red light and looks across the street and sees the guy walking with all the penguins following behind him. The man
gets out of his car and screams at the guy, ‘Hey! What are you doing? I thought I gave you 50 bucks to get the penguins to the
zoo!!’
The guy turns with a big smile and says, ‘I did take them to the zoo and I had some money left over so now I’m taking them to the
movies.’

Latest Animal Jokes

Cow Bells

Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

Hunting

Two guys were out hunting, but they werent getting any ducks.
“What do you think the problem is?” one man asked his companion.
“I dunno,” came the reply, “Maybe we arent throwing the dog up high enough.”

There was just a dog fight

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”

“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?”

“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”

“What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?”

“Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”

Camel Gear

Baby Camel: Mum, why do we have such a huge hump?

Mum Camel: They’re for storing fat in out in the desert.

Baby Camel: Why do we have hooves, then?

Mum Camel: So our feet don’t sink into the hot sand.

Baby Camel: Why do we have these long, fluttery eyelashes?

Mum Camel: To keep the sand out of our eyes in a sandstorm.

A moment later…

Baby Camel: Right. So why do we have all this stuff if we live in the London Zoo?

What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

Q: What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

A: If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.