A cat walks into a bar
A cat walks into a bar…
What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other? Gee, we really do taste like chicken.
A cat walks into a bar…
There were four goats who all died on the same day and went up to the Pearly Gates. To get into Heaven, they had to tell their name and the last thing they did on Earth.
Well, the first goat walked up and said, “My name is Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he could go on in.
Then the next goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he too could go on in.
Then the third goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles.” Annoyed now, the gatekeeper said he could go on in.
Finally, the last goat walked up, and the Gatekeeper said, “Let me guess. Your name is Baa Baa Baa Baa, and you blew bubbles.”
And the goat said, “No, my name is Bubbles and I…”
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing “Tuff Enuff” by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
“That IS amazing!” says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.
“If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?” The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.
“Are you nuts?” asks the bartender. “You could’ve made a fortune off that frog.”
“Can you keep a secret?” asks the man. “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?”‘
“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots. I have taught them to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to praise and worship.”
“Thank you!” the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!”