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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

The Boss

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?”
The assistant says, “$2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive.

The assistant explains, “This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.”

“What about the green one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, “He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.”

“What about the red one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, “That one’s $10,000.”

The man says, “What does HE do?”

The assistant says, “I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”

Latest Animal Jokes

Fish Smoking

What does a fish smoke?

Sea weed

I didn’t

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”

“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”

The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”

“Yes,” the other bat answers.

“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”

What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

Q: What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

A: If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

Grapes

A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no.

Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” and again the clerk says no.

Five minutes later the duck comes back and asks, “Do you have any grapes?”

The clerk says, “No, and if you ask again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.”

The duck comes back five minutes later and asks, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk says no. The duck says, “Good. Do you have any grapes?”

What does a lion call a antelope?

Q: What does a lion call a antelope?

A: Fast food.