Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”
“Yes,” the other bat answers.
“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”
Baby Camel: Mum, why do we have such a huge hump?
Mum Camel: They’re for storing fat in out in the desert.
Baby Camel: Why do we have hooves, then?
Mum Camel: So our feet don’t sink into the hot sand.
Baby Camel: Why do we have these long, fluttery eyelashes?
Mum Camel: To keep the sand out of our eyes in a sandstorm.
A moment later…
Baby Camel: Right. So why do we have all this stuff if we live in the London Zoo?
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. “Dude,” he told a friend, “I’ve tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back.” “I had the same thing man,” his friend says. “All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes.” “That’s it?” the guy asked. “I’ll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents.”
About a week later the guy gets a call. “How’s it going with the mice, buddy?” “Not so good, dude.” “What’s the problem?” his friend asks. “To be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart.”
What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
Q: What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
A: If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.
“You know, its not your fault that the dog died. Hes probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie, still crying, said “What would God want with a dead dog?”