Funny Jokes
Send a Joke

Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

You got any fish?

A duck goes into a bar and askes the bartender,
“You got any fish?” The bartender replies, “No,
this is a bar and we don’t sell fish,” so the duck
leaves. The next day, the duck goes back to the
bar and asks, “You got any fish?” The bartender
says, “I told you yesterday, this is a bar and we
don’t sell fish!” The following day the duck returns
and says, “You got any fish?” The bartender loses
it, grabs the duck by the neck and screams,
“I TOLD YOU TWICE, THIS IS A BAR. WE
DON’T SELL FISH. IF YOU ASK
AGAIN, I’M GONNA NAIL YOUR WEBBED
FEET TO THE FLOOR!” The next day, the duck
goes into the bar and asks, “Got any nails?”
The bartender sighs and says, “No, we don’t have
any nails.” The duck says, “Good. Got any fish?”

Latest Animal Jokes

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?

A: The wrong answer.

Gum Crossing

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because he was stuck to the chicken’s bottom.

Who’s That Dog?

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ”Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ”Nope.” As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ”I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” The old man muttered, ”Ain’t my dog.”

Taste

What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other? Gee, we really do taste like chicken.

Gorilla Problem

A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for “Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, “Is it male or female?”

“Male,” he replies.

“Oh yeah, we can do that. I’ll be right there,” he states.

An hour later, the service guy shows up with a stick, a Rottweiler, a shotgun, and a large pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. “I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls out of the tree. When he does, the trained Rotty will move in and savage the gorilla’s private parts. The gorilla will then cross his hands across his crotch to protect himself, and that’s when you move in with the handcuffs!”

The man goes pale and asks, “Um, okay, but what do I do with the shotgun?”

The service guy replies, “Hopefully nothing, but if I happen to fall out of the tree before the gorilla, you’ve got to shoot that Rottweiler!”