This man had to take a bunch of penguins to the zoo for the new exibit. On the way into town his truck broke down and he pulled
over to the side of the road. A guy pulls up next to him and says, ‘Hey, do you need some help?’
The man says, ‘Actually, all I need is to get these penguins to the zoo. If I give you 50 bucks will you make sure you take hem?’
So the guy takes the money and the penguins and takes off. The man went to fix his truck and an hour later he’s pulling up into town to go check on the penguins.
He stops at a red light and looks across the street and sees the guy walking with all the penguins following behind him. The man
gets out of his car and screams at the guy, ‘Hey! What are you doing? I thought I gave you 50 bucks to get the penguins to the
zoo!!’
The guy turns with a big smile and says, ‘I did take them to the zoo and I had some money left over so now I’m taking them to the
movies.’
Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: A:It is the one with the kickstand.
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move said the broker, it’s only $1 a share.”
“Buy me 1000 shares.” said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right, give me 5000 more shares.”
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.”
“Great!” said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”
The broker said, “To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.”
*I will try to figure out why I “really” need 12 e-mail addresses.
*I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated
*I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.
*I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
*I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
*I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily…well, once a week…okay, monthly then…or maybe… at least once a year
*I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet – This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
*I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.
*When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
*I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.
*I will think of a password other than “password.”
*I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
