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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Blonde with Money

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.

The brunette replied, “I think I’ll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?”

The blonde said, “I think I’m gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it.

Latest Blonde Jokes

What Are Ya, Chicken?

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

To show the blonde how!

Hot Blonde Drive

One day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde the works. “I’ve pulled you over for speeding ma’me…..could I see your drivers license…? “…Whats a license…???” replied the blonde. instantly giving away the fact that she was as a stump. Its usually in your wallet…
replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration!!! Asked the cop. Registration….whats that…?asked the blonde. Its usually in your glove compartment said the cop impatiently after some more fumbling she found the
registration. Ill be back in a minute.. the cop said and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration. After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman driving a red sports car. Yes….Replied the officer. Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the dispatcher. Uh…Yes replied the cop. Heres what you do…..said the dispatcher.Give her stuff back and drop your pants. WHAT!!!?Icant do that. Its ……..inappropriate..exclaimed the cop. Trust me….Just do it..said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs….. Ohh no……not ANOTHER breathalyzer….

Three Blondes

There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, ”Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?” So, she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands.

Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry, she said to herself, ”Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?” She stood there, just thinking about it.

Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, ”Knock on wood I’m not as stupid as the other two!” She knocked the table. ”Was that the front door or the back door?”

Blonde Kidnapper

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ’’I’ve kidnapped you.’’
She then wrote a note saying,’’I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.’’ The blonde pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ’’How could you do this to a fellow blonde?’’

Knitter

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.

He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he’s saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.

The cop yelled, “Pull over!”

The blonde shouted back, “No! It’s a sweater!”