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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Cutting Pizza

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

Latest Blonde Jokes

Blondes and Waterskiing

Why can you not teach blondes to waterski?

When they get wet, they roll over on their backs!

Blonde does some painting

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” asked the owner.

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told her the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should, she was standing on it.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50, gave it to her and said he’d call her whenever he had another job for her to do.

The blond thanked him and, as she was walking back down the path, she called out “And by the way, I know everybody thinks blondes are stupid, but I thought you should know that it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Tag Team

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.

“Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their’s were still sticking out of the ground.”

Blonde Valedictorian

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ”I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?”

Her mother replied, ”Of couse it is, dear.”

The next day, the blonde said, ”I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?”

Her mother replied, ”Of course it is dear!”

The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ”I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?”

Her mother replied, ”No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old.”

Blonde Kidnapper

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ’’I’ve kidnapped you.’’
She then wrote a note saying,’’I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.’’ The blonde pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ’’How could you do this to a fellow blonde?’’