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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Hitting a Blonde

Q: How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it?
A: With a thought.

Latest Blonde Jokes

Three Blondes

There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, ”Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?” So, she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands.

Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry, she said to herself, ”Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?” She stood there, just thinking about it.

Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, ”Knock on wood I’m not as stupid as the other two!” She knocked the table. ”Was that the front door or the back door?”

Blonde in an Elevator

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, “Boy he could use some head and shoulders.”

The blonde says, “Hm. How do you give shoulders?”

Disney Land left

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said ‘Disney Land left’ they turned around and went home.

Blonde Driving

Q: Why did the blonde get pulled over by the police?

A: Her headlights weren’t working, so she was flashing people.

On your lap

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.

“I’m so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It’s because of you that I have had to work harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair.”

“Gosh, Miss, I’m terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Shut up! I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to that little jerk on your lap!”