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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Kiss Me I’m Blonde

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

Because red means stop!

Latest Blonde Jokes

Blonde Valedictorian

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ”I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?”

Her mother replied, ”Of couse it is, dear.”

The next day, the blonde said, ”I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?”

Her mother replied, ”Of course it is dear!”

The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ”I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?”

Her mother replied, ”No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old.”

Brainwash

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Blonde in an Elevator

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, “Boy he could use some head and shoulders.”

The blonde says, “Hm. How do you give shoulders?”

Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Measure a blonde’s intelligence

Q: How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!