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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Little Voice

A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ”how weird.”

A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.

As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ”What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?”

The blonde looked up at the man and said, ”Well, you see, there’s this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, ‘You’ve got mail,’ but when I come out here to check, I don’t have any.”

Latest Blonde Jokes

Blonde Kidnapper

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ’’I’ve kidnapped you.’’
She then wrote a note saying,’’I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.’’ The blonde pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ’’How could you do this to a fellow blonde?’’

Blondevision

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

“Darn, he recognized me,” she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

Blonde and a sock

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.

A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”

“Why, officer?” asks the blonde.

“Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.”

“Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I left my baby on the bus!”

Magic Mirror

There was a magic mirrior in this resturant. If you lie to the mirror you will get sucked in. A red head walks in says she thinks she’s president and gets sucked in. A strawberry blonde walks in says she thinks she is as rich as Bill Gates she gets sucked in. A blonde walks in and she says “I think…” and she gets sucked in.

Change a blonde’s mind

Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.