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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Little Voice

A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ”how weird.”

A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.

As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ”What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?”

The blonde looked up at the man and said, ”Well, you see, there’s this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, ‘You’ve got mail,’ but when I come out here to check, I don’t have any.”

Latest Blonde Jokes

Blondes and Babies

A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother,

“Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of
the same place where boys put their thingies?”

“Yes, dear,” replied her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.

“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”

On the Rooftop

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the party?

He heard the drinks where on the house.

VROOM, SCREECH

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? 
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Hot Blonde Drive

One day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde the works. “I’ve pulled you over for speeding ma’me…..could I see your drivers license…? “…Whats a license…???” replied the blonde. instantly giving away the fact that she was as a stump. Its usually in your wallet…
replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration!!! Asked the cop. Registration….whats that…?asked the blonde. Its usually in your glove compartment said the cop impatiently after some more fumbling she found the
registration. Ill be back in a minute.. the cop said and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration. After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman driving a red sports car. Yes….Replied the officer. Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the dispatcher. Uh…Yes replied the cop. Heres what you do…..said the dispatcher.Give her stuff back and drop your pants. WHAT!!!?Icant do that. Its ……..inappropriate..exclaimed the cop. Trust me….Just do it..said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs….. Ohh no……not ANOTHER breathalyzer….

Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?

Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?

A: They’re refuelling.