Funny Jokes
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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Tag Team

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.

“Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their’s were still sticking out of the ground.”

Latest Blonde Jokes

Who Killed Abe?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions….

Officer: What’s 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”

Hot Blonde Drive

One day while on patrol a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde the works. “I’ve pulled you over for speeding ma’me…..could I see your drivers license…? “…Whats a license…???” replied the blonde. instantly giving away the fact that she was as a stump. Its usually in your wallet…
replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes the driver managed to find it. Now may I see your registration!!! Asked the cop. Registration….whats that…?asked the blonde. Its usually in your glove compartment said the cop impatiently after some more fumbling she found the
registration. Ill be back in a minute.. the cop said and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the womans license and registration. After a few moments the dispatcher came back. Ummm is this woman driving a red sports car. Yes….Replied the officer. Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde? asked the dispatcher. Uh…Yes replied the cop. Heres what you do…..said the dispatcher.Give her stuff back and drop your pants. WHAT!!!?Icant do that. Its ……..inappropriate..exclaimed the cop. Trust me….Just do it..said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs….. Ohh no……not ANOTHER breathalyzer….

Blonde Goes to School

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, “We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl asked.

“Yes, It’s because your blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because your blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy Mommy!” she yelled, “We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m Blonde, Mommy?”

“No Honey, Its because you’re 24.”

You’ve got mail!

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

On your lap

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.

“I’m so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It’s because of you that I have had to work harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair.”

“Gosh, Miss, I’m terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Shut up! I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to that little jerk on your lap!”