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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

The Blonde Flight Attendant

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!” “You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?” She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

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Who Killed Abe?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions….

Officer: What’s 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”

Three Girls in the Desert

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert. The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.” The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.” Then the blonde says I brought a car door.” The other girls said, “Why did you bring that?” Then the blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”

VROOM, SCREECH

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? 
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Blonde Hiding

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead snuck into a farm.
The farmer said to his wife, “I think I hear something outside.”
The girls heard the door open,and they all ran in different directions.
The brunette ran into the cow pen. The redhead ran into the pig pen, and the blonde ran into the potato patch.
The farmer went to the cow pen and said,”Is there anyone there?” The brunette said,”Mmmmmmmoooooo.”
Then he went over to the pig pen and the farmer said, “Is there anyone there?” and the redhead said, “Oink oink.”
Then he went over to the potato patch and said, “Is there anyone there?” and the blonde said, “Potatooooo.”

The Wet and the Blonde

Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?

The sign said ”Wet Floor.”