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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

The Blonde Flight Attendant

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!” “You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?” She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Latest Blonde Jokes

Blondy Beer

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won’t give in?

A: “Have another beer.”

Who Killed Abe?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions….

Officer: What’s 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”

The Wet and the Blonde

Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?

The sign said ”Wet Floor.”

Blonde Goes to School

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, “We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl asked.

“Yes, It’s because your blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because your blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy Mommy!” she yelled, “We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m Blonde, Mommy?”

“No Honey, Its because you’re 24.”

Blonde with Money

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.

The brunette replied, “I think I’ll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?”

The blonde said, “I think I’m gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it.