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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Burn a candle down

How long does it take to burn a candle down?
About a wick!

Latest Christmass Jokes

Father Christmas the gardener

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Candle and thirsty

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Beacause a little water ends both of them!

Father Christmas resting

What’s Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
Santa pause!

Christmas Carol Parrot

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.

“It’s beautiful!” cried the man, “Does he do any tricks?”

“Yes he does, ” answered the salesman. “If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”‘

“Amazing!” exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he’d bought.

“Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?” asked the wife. The man smiled and said, “Watch this.” Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ Then he put the match under the bird’s left foot, and it began to sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.’

“That’s incredible! Does he do anything else?” the wife asked.

“I don’t know, lets see.” replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the birds legs.

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

Christmas in England

What’s Christmas called in England?
Yule Britannia!