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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Christmas trees and knitters

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles!

Latest Christmass Jokes

Christmas Carol Parrot

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.

“It’s beautiful!” cried the man, “Does he do any tricks?”

“Yes he does, ” answered the salesman. “If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”‘

“Amazing!” exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he’d bought.

“Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?” asked the wife. The man smiled and said, “Watch this.” Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ Then he put the match under the bird’s left foot, and it began to sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.’

“That’s incredible! Does he do anything else?” the wife asked.

“I don’t know, lets see.” replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the birds legs.

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

Archer and a gift wrapper

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

Claps at Christmas

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause!

Bald man at Christmas

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

Father Christmas’ money

What does Father Christmas call his money?
Iced lolly!