Afraid of Santa Claus
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
Father Christmas’ money
What does Father Christmas call his money?
Iced lolly!
Jokes by Category
Latest Christmass Jokes
Claps at Christmas
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause!
Early Christmas shopping
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the suspect, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offence,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.
Christmas Carol Parrot
A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
“It’s beautiful!” cried the man, “Does he do any tricks?”
“Yes he does, ” answered the salesman. “If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”‘
“Amazing!” exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he’d bought.
“Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?” asked the wife. The man smiled and said, “Watch this.” Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ Then he put the match under the bird’s left foot, and it began to sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.’
“That’s incredible! Does he do anything else?” the wife asked.
“I don’t know, lets see.” replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the birds legs.
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”
A Christmas rhyme
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar,
Santa drives a rusty car,
Press the starter,
Press the choke,
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!