A man rushes to his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! I’ve got a carrot in my left ear and a banana in my right ear and a chicken wing up my nose!”
“Well, son,” the old doctor says. “It’s quite obvious you haven’t been eating properly.”
Ohio State Students
How do you know a person posting a joke goes to Ohio State?
They fucking spell Michigan wrong.
10 Steps Towards A Successful Job Interview
My recent job-hunting experience has been very educational. I now know a little more about what to do and what not to do. Here’s a little taste of my newfound wisdom.
10 STEPS TOWARDS A SUCCESSFUL JOB INTERVIEW
10. Awkward silence is always better than: “OMG, you’re daughter is fuckin SMOKIN’!!”.
9. Trying to stir up outrage over the “reverse racism” at the Chinese buffet isn’t going to get you anywhere, no matter how many letters you write.
8. Two beers to loosen you up before the big interview: okay. Blowing a joint before the big interview and repeatedly complimenting the boss on her sweet hen-shaped paperweight: not okay.
7. In order to list American Sign Language as a skill, you have to know quite a bit more than the “call me” sign and the metal horns.
6. “Tell me a little bit about yourself” is not meant to elicit either a) your Rebounds Per Game stat or b) which Fanta girl you’d prefer to bone.
5. Having a “License to Ill” doesn’t increase your marketability (no matter if it’s the truth or not).
4. Don’t take interview advice from people who are unemployed. ;o)
3. If you find that during interviews the conversation inevitably drifts towards Stalin, that’s probably your fault, not theirs.
2. “Cowboy” is not a respected former job, no matter how badass your references are.
1. Try not to overuse the word “ba-jillion”.
Q: Why can’t you smoke weed in Iraq?
A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!
Women & KFC
What do a woman and KFC have in common?
After you are done eating the breasts, legs, and thighs, all you are left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.