10 Steps Towards A Successful Job Interview
My recent job-hunting experience has been very educational. I now know a little more about what to do and what not to do. Here’s a little taste of my newfound wisdom.
10 STEPS TOWARDS A SUCCESSFUL JOB INTERVIEW
10. Awkward silence is always better than: “OMG, you’re daughter is fuckin SMOKIN’!!”.
9. Trying to stir up outrage over the “reverse racism” at the Chinese buffet isn’t going to get you anywhere, no matter how many letters you write.
8. Two beers to loosen you up before the big interview: okay. Blowing a joint before the big interview and repeatedly complimenting the boss on her sweet hen-shaped paperweight: not okay.
7. In order to list American Sign Language as a skill, you have to know quite a bit more than the “call me” sign and the metal horns.
6. “Tell me a little bit about yourself” is not meant to elicit either a) your Rebounds Per Game stat or b) which Fanta girl you’d prefer to bone.
5. Having a “License to Ill” doesn’t increase your marketability (no matter if it’s the truth or not).
4. Don’t take interview advice from people who are unemployed. ;o)
3. If you find that during interviews the conversation inevitably drifts towards Stalin, that’s probably your fault, not theirs.
2. “Cowboy” is not a respected former job, no matter how badass your references are.
1. Try not to overuse the word “ba-jillion”.
Q: Why can’t you smoke weed in Iraq?
A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!
Q: How do you get a Michagan girl into your dorm?
A: Grease the door frame and push.
Q:How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:YOU DONT KNOW MAN YOU WERENT THERE!
8 Words With 2 Meanings
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male…. Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female…. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.