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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Vietnam Vet

Q:How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:YOU DONT KNOW MAN YOU WERENT THERE!

Latest College Jokes

Iraqi Stoners

Q: Why can’t you smoke weed in Iraq?

A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!

10 Steps Towards A Successful Job Interview

My recent job-hunting experience has been very educational. I now know a little more about what to do and what not to do. Here’s a little taste of my newfound wisdom.

10 STEPS TOWARDS A SUCCESSFUL JOB INTERVIEW

10. Awkward silence is always better than: “OMG, you’re daughter is fuckin SMOKIN’!!”.

9. Trying to stir up outrage over the “reverse racism” at the Chinese buffet isn’t going to get you anywhere, no matter how many letters you write.

8. Two beers to loosen you up before the big interview: okay. Blowing a joint before the big interview and repeatedly complimenting the boss on her sweet hen-shaped paperweight: not okay.

7. In order to list American Sign Language as a skill, you have to know quite a bit more than the “call me” sign and the metal horns.

6. “Tell me a little bit about yourself” is not meant to elicit either a) your Rebounds Per Game stat or b) which Fanta girl you’d prefer to bone.

5. Having a “License to Ill” doesn’t increase your marketability (no matter if it’s the truth or not).

4. Don’t take interview advice from people who are unemployed. ;o)

3. If you find that during interviews the conversation inevitably drifts towards Stalin, that’s probably your fault, not theirs.

2. “Cowboy” is not a respected former job, no matter how badass your references are.

1. Try not to overuse the word “ba-jillion”.

Doctor! Doctor!

A man rushes to his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! I’ve got a carrot in my left ear and a banana in my right ear and a chicken wing up my nose!”

“Well, son,” the old doctor says. “It’s quite obvious you haven’t been eating properly.”

American Beer

Q: How is having sex in a canoe similar to American beer?

A: They are both fucking close to water!

Michagan Girls

Q: How do you get a Michagan girl into your dorm?

A: Grease the door frame and push.