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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Floppy

What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

Latest Computer Jokes

Still a virgin

Hear about the woman who married three different Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release.

The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying, “Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now…”

Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker

– Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

– Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.

– When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.

– Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

– Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.

– Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”

– Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

– Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.

– Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President.”

– You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”

Bill Gates, Super Ego

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, “I’ve called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but he’s blowing up the world tomorrow.”
So, Bill Clinton went back and said, “Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is he’s blowing up the world tomorrow.”

Colin Powell went back and said, “I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is he’s blowing up the world tomorrow.”

Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, ” I have some good news. The first part of the good news is I’ve been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.”

Microsoft and a Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

Computer Nerds

A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, “COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He enters and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, “OK, truck drivers aren’t nerds.”

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender replied, “Don’t worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license.”

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers – computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season.”

“Well, sure,” says the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ’em!”