Bill Gates and General Motors
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”
“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker
– Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
– Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
– When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
– Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
– Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
– Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”
– Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
– Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.
– Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President.”
– You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”
Writing’s Powerful Message
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
If Microsoft Was Looking for Drivers
If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.
Bill Gates, Super Ego
One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, “I’ve called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but he’s blowing up the world tomorrow.”
So, Bill Clinton went back and said, “Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is he’s blowing up the world tomorrow.”
Colin Powell went back and said, “I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is he’s blowing up the world tomorrow.”
Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, ” I have some good news. The first part of the good news is I’ve been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.”