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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Hot Air Balloon

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.

“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must work in business.”

“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

Latest Computer Jokes

Microsoft vs. shakespeare

They say that if you have an infinite number of monkeys typing at an infinite number of keyboards for an infinite period of time, you will get the collected works of Shakespeare.

If you get the source code to Microsoft Windows, you need to add more monkeys.

Enter email

While at MSDN site, a popup dialog appears:
“May we send you a survey? Enter email:”
I reply: “Nope”.
“Enter valid email address:”
“Leave me alone!”
“Enter valid email address:”
noway@spammers.com
“Thank you”

Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker

– Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

– Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.

– When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.

– Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

– Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.

– Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”

– Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

– Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.

– Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President.”

– You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”

Computer Terminology

Log On: Makin’ the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don’t add no wood.

Monitor: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.

Download: Gettin’ the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin’.

Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin’ too much firewood.

Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.

Hard Drive: Getting’ home in the winter season.

Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.

Windows: What to shut when it’s below 15 below.

Screen: What ‘cha need for the black fly season.

Byte: That’s what the flies do.

Chip: What to munch on.

Micro Chip: What’s left in the bottom of the bag.

Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred’s around.

Modem: What ‘cha did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix’s wife.

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.

Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.

Software: Them plastic eatin’ utensils.

Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.

Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.

Port: Fancy wine.

Enter: C’mon in.

Random Access Memory: You can’t remember whatcha’ paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.

Three Hellos

A man comes home from work early to find his wife in bed with three men.

He is completely shocked and shouts, ”Hello, Hello, Hello!”

His wife whines, “What? No hello for me!?!”