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If Microsoft Was Looking for Drivers

If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.

Latest Computer Jokes

Microsoft and a Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

If Microsoft Was Looking for Drivers

If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.

M.Y.A.S.S

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as:

“Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a
good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate’s office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, “I’m a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.” I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS. There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS.

This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, “here, stick this in MYASS.”

Arnold’s Search Engine

Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?

Alta Vista baby.

You Might Be An Internet Explorer User…

1. If your email address is listed on your business cards as “www.joesmith@yahoo.com”, you might be an IE user.

2. If you actually think you will get $50 for “punching the monkey.”

3. When someone tells you to restart your computer and you turn the monitor off and back on, you just might be an IE user.

4. If someone tells you to go to “www.whatever.com” so you go to Google and search for it, you are probably an IE user.

5. If someone tells you you need a firewall and so you go to the store and buy Norton firewall in a box for $70, you might just possibly be an IE user.

6. When you get a popup ad showing a Windows-like warning and you think it is a Windows warning box, you might be an IE user.

7. If you web browser has 8 search bars and you don’t even know how they got there, you might be an IE user.

8. If you get pop-up ads and you aren’t even using the Internet, you just might possibly be an IE user.

9. If you have mysterious charges on your card because you received an email from “E-Bay” saying your account would be suspended if you didn’t update your credit card information by clicking “this link”, you must be an IE user.

10. If, while reading this list, you are receiving the message “NT AUTHORITY/SYSTEM will shut down in 60 seconds”, you might be an IE user.