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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

The Programmer and the Princess

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The programmer said, “Look, I’m a programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

Latest Computer Jokes

Microsoft and a Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

Computers Male or Female

Humankind’s propensity for imposing anthropomorphic characteristics on inanimate objects has now reached computers. But, which gender should your PC be?

Here are the top ten reasons why they have to be male.

They have a lot of data, but they’re still clueless.
A better model is just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you get them home.
It’s always essential to have a backup.
They’ll do whatever you want if you push the right buttons.
The best part of having one is the games you can play.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
Big power surges knock them out at night.
Size does matter.

But then again, here are the top ten reasons why they are obviously female.

They’re oh so picky, picky, picky.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Beauty is only shell deep.
When you ask them what’s wrong, they always say ‘nothing’.
They can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
They are always turning simple statements into big productions.
Small talk is important.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
They make you take the garbage out.
Miss a period and they go wild.

Computers

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
“I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computerscreen.”

The surprised salesman replies: “But, madam, computers do not have curtains…. ”

And the blonde said: “Helloooo………….I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Message

Closing a task, I get the following message:
“If you shutdown this program, it will not function
correctly”.
Well, what do you know! I thought it would just keep on working!

You Might Be An Internet Explorer User…

1. If your email address is listed on your business cards as “www.joesmith@yahoo.com”, you might be an IE user.

2. If you actually think you will get $50 for “punching the monkey.”

3. When someone tells you to restart your computer and you turn the monitor off and back on, you just might be an IE user.

4. If someone tells you to go to “www.whatever.com” so you go to Google and search for it, you are probably an IE user.

5. If someone tells you you need a firewall and so you go to the store and buy Norton firewall in a box for $70, you might just possibly be an IE user.

6. When you get a popup ad showing a Windows-like warning and you think it is a Windows warning box, you might be an IE user.

7. If you web browser has 8 search bars and you don’t even know how they got there, you might be an IE user.

8. If you get pop-up ads and you aren’t even using the Internet, you just might possibly be an IE user.

9. If you have mysterious charges on your card because you received an email from “E-Bay” saying your account would be suspended if you didn’t update your credit card information by clicking “this link”, you must be an IE user.

10. If, while reading this list, you are receiving the message “NT AUTHORITY/SYSTEM will shut down in 60 seconds”, you might be an IE user.