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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

We Can Fix It

A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer are driving down a mountain road when the brakes fail. They scream down the mountain gaining speed every second and screeching around corners. Finally they manage to stop, more by luck than by judgment, mere inches from a thousand-foot drop to the jagged rocks on the valley floor. More than slightly shaken, they emerge from the car.

“I think I can fix it,” says the computer engineer.

The systems analyst says, “No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist examine it.”

The programmer holds his chin between thumb and forefinger and says, “Okay, but first I think we ought to get back in and see if it does it again.”

Latest Computer Jokes

Bill Gates in Hell

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory.

St. Peter said to his, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.

So ,Bill takes a look at hell and sees these beautiful women running around, in 80 degree temperature, on beautiful beaches.

Then he took a look at heaven and it was nice, you know harps and singing and worship and stuff like that.

So he said to St. Peter that he would like to go to hell.

About a week later, St. Peter went down to hell to check on Bill. There he saw him, being whipped by demons.

He said to St. Peter, “What happened to all the beautiful women, and the beaches and the 80 degree temperature?”

Peter replied, “That was just the screen saver.”

A couple of programmers lay in a bed

A couple of programmers lay in a bed.
She: Do you want to repeat the procedure?
He: Function has not returned the value.

Computers

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
“I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computerscreen.”

The surprised salesman replies: “But, madam, computers do not have curtains…. ”

And the blonde said: “Helloooo………….I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The Programmer and the Princess

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The programmer said, “Look, I’m a programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

Message

Closing a task, I get the following message:
“If you shutdown this program, it will not function
correctly”.
Well, what do you know! I thought it would just keep on working!