Computer Riddles
Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
Why don’t the British build computers? Because they can’t figure out how to make them leak oil!
What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn’t matter what you call him. He’s too involved with the computer to come anyway.
What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common? Access time.
What do Unix sysadmins do when they’re horny? Mount a filesystem.
Why is “256 Ways To Make Love” the most quoted book on the Internet? It’s in the Fucking Manual
Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad? So that blind students can hate them too. Computer Riddles Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
Why don’t the British build computers? Because they can’t figure out how to make them leak oil!
What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn’t matter what you call him. He’s too involved with the computer to come anyway.
What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common? Access time.
What do Unix sysadmins do when they’re horny? Mount a filesystem.
Why is “256 Ways To Make Love” the most quoted book on the Internet? It’s in the Fucking Manual
Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad? So that blind students can hate them too.
Floppy
What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.
Arnold’s Search Engine
Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?
Alta Vista baby.
Helisoft
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”
Why E-Mail is Like a Penis
Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.
Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.
Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call “E-Mail Envy.”
It’s more fun when it’s up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.
Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
If you don’t take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
If you play with it too much, you could go blind.
