WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor!”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
WIFE: “In the pool.”
What is yellow and dangerous?
Q: What is yellow and dangerous?
A: Pike infested custard.
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn’t want to go to war.”
Very large Bic cigarette lighter
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter…where did you get it?”
“A genie from a bottle granted me one wish.”
“Great, can I try it?”
First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish says the genie.”
The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”
The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12″ Bic?”
Lost my testicles
A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer.
“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.
“Did you see any active duty?”
“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”
“May I ask what happened?”
“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”
“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”
The man asked, “When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”
“Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”