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1000 Dollar Tattoo

A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.”

So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.

So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.

So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: “First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.”

1000 Dollar Tattoo

A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.”

So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.

So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.

So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: “First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.”

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IBM

Ideas Bring Money
Insidious Byzantine Mentality
Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
Inevitably Bad Marketing
Indicision Breeds Mistakes
Inshallah Burak Ma’lesh
Imensa Bola De Manteca
Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
Incontinent Bandolerismo Molock
Imperial Bellicose` Marauder
Impious Bacchanalian Metopolis
I’d Buy Macintosh
Imbecilic Bad Micros
Imperialisim By Marketing
Intensely Boring Machines
Interesting But Mundane
Internals By Mediocrity
Into Building Money
Industries’ Bungling Monolith
Irresponibly Behaved Multinational
Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
Inconsistent Business Machines
Innovation By Management
Industry Bowel Movement
I’m Being Manipulated
International Brotherhood Magicians
Intercourse Beats Mastubation
Incredibly Bloody Minded
Idealistically Backward Microcomputers
Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
Idle Brain Malfunction
Imitable Boring Microcomputers
Impeccably Blue-Dressed Managers
Itty Bitty Machines
I’ve Been Misled
Ifs Buts Maybes
It’s Better ‘Morrow
Incompatible Blue Machines
Indigestion Bothers Me
Intersmashable Byte Manipulators
Icons Bygones My Mom’s
It Breaks Monthly
Infinitely Baffling Motives
I’m Buying Macintosh
It’s Better Manually
Imitation Burroughs Machine
Incredibly Big Monsters
Itty Bitty Mentality
Incredible Bowel Movement
I’ve Been Mesmerized
Insignificant Bothersome Machines
Its Broke Ma’am
International Bit Mangler
Increasingly Banal Management
Infernal Blue Machine
Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
Ill-Mannered Besotted Macrocosm
Immeasureable Bigheaded Malapert
Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
Insolent Bickering Mal-Der-Mer
Indecorous Boastful Mercenary
Inept Bullying Menace
Immovable Brash Monolith
Inferior Before Macintosh
Ici Beaucoup Merde
I’m Beyond Mistakes
I’ve Been Mangled
Inherently By Microsoft
Incredibly Bad Manuals
I’ll Buy Macintosh
It’s Beyond Monolithic
Install Bigger Memory
Infernal Big Mistake
Incredibly Broad Monopoly
It’s Bugging Me
Itty Bitty Mouse
I Bring Madness
Incredibly Big Manufacturer
Industry’s Biggest Mistake
I Built Mine
I Broke Mine
Idiots Being Mental
I’ve Been Mauled
Invented By Maladroits
Invented By Marketing
Insultingq Boorish Manner
Inane Brutish Merchandizing
Infinite Budget Merchandizing
It’s Bullshit Mummery
It’s Become Monolithic
Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
I’d Be Misinforming
Idiots Became Managers
Incredibly Boring Manuals
Incredibly Belligerent Marketing
Interesting Buy Mediorcre
Invented By Murphy
Insanely Better Marketing
Illustrious Busy Mice
Itty Bitty Maharishi
Illmanners Being Mandatory
It Broke Me
Illustrious Bankruptcy Malefactor
Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
I’ve Become Magnanimous
I Blame Mathematics
Internal Byte Malefunction
Intellectually Blessed Marketers
Instant Black Market
Ibmers Bug Me
Indestructible Blue Monster
Incredibly Big Money
Indisposed Black Monday
I Believe In Money
Industry Bully Manifique
Incredibly Boring Machines
Infoworlds Best Moneymakers
International Business Manipulators
Industry’s Big Mama
Intel’s Best Merchandizer
Innovation? Bah! Marketing
I’ve Been Megamarketed
Industry’s Being Megamarketed
International Business

What’s the matter with you?

A woman went to her doctor’s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”

Rookie Pitcher

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
“I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the young southpaw. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.”

“When is that?”

“Right after the National Anthem.”

Please Drink?!

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.

The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.

The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

“Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor.

“Sure, after the police leave,” replied the attorney.

Hearing Vs. Listening

What a woman says:

Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now!

What a man hears:

C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!