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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

3 Goats and Bubbles

There were four goats who all died on the same day and went up to the Pearly Gates. To get into Heaven, they had to tell their name and the last thing they did on Earth.

Well, the first goat walked up and said, “My name is Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he could go on in.

Then the next goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he too could go on in.

Then the third goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles.” Annoyed now, the gatekeeper said he could go on in.

Finally, the last goat walked up, and the Gatekeeper said, “Let me guess. Your name is Baa Baa Baa Baa, and you blew bubbles.”

And the goat said, “No, my name is Bubbles and I…”

3 Goats and Bubbles

There were four goats who all died on the same day and went up to the Pearly Gates. To get into Heaven, they had to tell their name and the last thing they did on Earth.

Well, the first goat walked up and said, “My name is Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he could go on in.

Then the next goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles,” so he was told he too could go on in.

Then the third goat came up and said, “My name is Baa Baa Baa, and I blew bubbles.” Annoyed now, the gatekeeper said he could go on in.

Finally, the last goat walked up, and the Gatekeeper said, “Let me guess. Your name is Baa Baa Baa Baa, and you blew bubbles.”

And the goat said, “No, my name is Bubbles and I…”

Latest Animal Jokes

There was just a dog fight

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”

“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?”

“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”

“What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?”

“Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”

Who’s That Dog?

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ”Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ”Nope.” As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ”I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” The old man muttered, ”Ain’t my dog.”

The Law of the Jungle

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes.

His friend looked at him. ”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?”

”I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”

Penguins to the Zoo

This man had to take a bunch of penguins to the zoo for the new exibit. On the way into town his truck broke down and he pulled
over to the side of the road. A guy pulls up next to him and says, ‘Hey, do you need some help?’
The man says, ‘Actually, all I need is to get these penguins to the zoo. If I give you 50 bucks will you make sure you take hem?’
So the guy takes the money and the penguins and takes off. The man went to fix his truck and an hour later he’s pulling up into town to go check on the penguins.
He stops at a red light and looks across the street and sees the guy walking with all the penguins following behind him. The man
gets out of his car and screams at the guy, ‘Hey! What are you doing? I thought I gave you 50 bucks to get the penguins to the
zoo!!’
The guy turns with a big smile and says, ‘I did take them to the zoo and I had some money left over so now I’m taking them to the
movies.’

Porridge

It’s a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge!” he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars. Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams, “For Goodness sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven’t made the porridge yet!”