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Funny Jokes

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3 Wishes for a Cowboy

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.

As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.

“Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot- I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”

The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted,

“My God, I was riding the mare!”

Latest Funny Jokes

$5 Prostitute

Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees this and calls out: “Fifty dollars!” He is tempted, but the price is a little high. So he calls back: “Five!” She is disappointed and turns away and Bill continues his jog.

A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she want not come down on her price. “Fifty!” she shouts and Bill answers her: “Five!” No sale.

About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill. They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there. She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells: “See what you get for five dollars!”

Where’s My Pajamas?

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”
“Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”
“Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box.”

Dictionary or octopus?

Q: What do man and women have when they do work on the bed?

A: A dicktionary and an octopussy.

Change a light bulb

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

NASCAR Samaritans

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a race, when they see an accident on the side of the road so they pull over! They go to help the victim, but they realize she is naked, so they take off their hats. The first guy was a Earnhardt fan, and put his hat over her left breast. The second guy was a Elliot fan, and put it over her right breast!! The last guy was a Gordon fan, and put his hat over her crotch.

When the police arrived, the officer looks at the girl and goes to evaluate. He first picks up the Earnhardt hat, puts it back down and writes something down. He does the same with the Elliot hat. Then he picks up the Gordon hat and puts it down then picks it up again. He does this several times until the Gordon fan says, “What are you? Some kind of pervert?”

The officer replies, “No, I just usually find an asshole under one of these hats.”