Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of
“What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!”
The nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of
“Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!”
When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to
“Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!”
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask
“What’s wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!”
Call on an Expert
Little Johnny was playing with his father’s wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion.
Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out.
Everyone was amazed, the father said “You must be an expert!”
The man replied, “No sir I’m just a tax collector.”
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Donations To The United Way
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer, so a volunteer was sent to solicit his donation.
“Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community through The United Way.”
The lawyer said, “First, are you aware that my mother is dying from a long, painful illness? And that she has medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?”
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Uh, no.”
“Second, did you know my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair, and unable to support his wife and six children?”
The stricken United Way rep mumbled another, “Uh, no.”
“Third, do you realize that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful traffic accident leaving her penniless, with a huge mortgage and three young children?”
The United Way rep was humiliated. “No, sir. I had no idea.”
The lawyer concluded, “Well, then. If I don’t give any money to them, why do you think I’d give any to you?!”
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A: A snowmobile!