Laundry Joke
Man: I’m taking some of my old clothes to the charity shop.
Wife: Well I hope you’ve been to the launderettes, you can’t hand them in all smelly.
Man: Yes, I’ve had them washed and ironed.
Wife: I wasn’t talking about the clothes!
A Moral Question
This is a completely hypothetical situation that must be answered according to your morals:
Pretend that you’re a photographer who has gone out to the Midwest to take pictures of an ongoing flood. Now as you’re wandering around looking for a good shot, you see George W. Bush in the middle of a rushing river, holding onto a thin branch so he won’t get swept away. The branch is about halfway broken, and you know it will break altogether in a matter of minutes. Now you can do one of two things: You can either rescue him or take an award-winning picture that will secure your place in photographic history.
Now for the question:
Which lens would you use?
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Latest Funny Jokes
Bear Chase
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second guy says, “What are you doing?”
He says, “I figure when the bear gets close to us, we’ll jump down and make a run for it.”
The second guy says, “Are you crazy? You can’t outrun a bear.”
The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you.”
Who Wears The Pants
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, “here put these on.” She said “I can’t wear your pants.” “That’s right!!” said the husband, “and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” She said, “That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude.”
Black Eyes
A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned.
“What happened, my child?”
“I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye.”
“Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?”
“Well, I thought I’d done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back.”
How was school today?
Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Patrick, “What school?”