Cinderella’s Night Out
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
”First, you must wear a diaphragm. But if you’re not home by 2 AM, your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.” Cinderella agrees, but she doesn’t roll in until five in the morning, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
”Where have you been?” demands the fairy godmother. ”Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!”
”I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.”
”I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!”
”I can’t remember, exactly. It was Peter, Peter, something or other…”
BBC News: “Scots throw away £460 worth of food each every year”
Maybe McDonald’s should stop putting salad in their burgers.
Tiny Headed Man
A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar, drinking, when the bartender asked him why his head was so small. The man sighed.
“I was walking along the beach one day and happened upon a lamp. A beautiful genie came out of the lamp and said that she would grant me 3 wishes. First, I wished for all the money in the world. Then I wished for the biggest mansion in all the world.”
“And then I wished for a little head.”
Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed’, guess who’?
Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed’, guess who’?
A: A divorce lawyer.
Hemophiliac and Virgin
Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One prick and they’re done.