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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Black Eyes

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned.
“What happened, my child?”

“I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye.”

“Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?”

“Well, I thought I’d done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back.”

Latest Funny Jokes

Silly Amy

Teacher: “Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?”
Student: “No idea miss”
Teacher told angrily: “Bark, Amy”.
Amy: “Bow Wow Wow Miss”

Police cars

Q: ‘Why does police drive white/blue cars with red/blue lights with a big police sign in the back?’
A: ‘So they don’t chase each other..’

Sign in the restroom

Sign in the restroom, above the urinal:
We know you’re in the rush
But please, don’t forget to flush.

This inspired me to a new verse:
Feel the bliss,
As you piss.
In that peace,
Flush it, please.

How Tall Is It?

A man was walking down the street and on the corner were 3 drunks trying to raise a telephone pole. They worked and worked and finally got the thing in the air. Two of of the drunks held the pole and the other climbed on top. He let down a a tape measure. This fellow couldn’t take it any more so he asks what they were doing.

They said, “We are measuring this pole.”
The man asks, “Why didn’t you measure it on the ground?”

They said, “We know how long it is, now we want to know how tall it is.”

Will prescription

The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,

“Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”