A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.
“Hey, lady, did you forget how to stop?” yelled an irate man.
She rolled down her window and said, “What makes you
think these kids are all mine?”
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A puddle.
Cinderella’s Night Out
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
”First, you must wear a diaphragm. But if you’re not home by 2 AM, your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.” Cinderella agrees, but she doesn’t roll in until five in the morning, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
”Where have you been?” demands the fairy godmother. ”Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!”
”I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.”
”I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!”
”I can’t remember, exactly. It was Peter, Peter, something or other…”
Months of the year
Teacher: What is the first month?
Teacher: What is the second month?
Teacher: What is the tenth month?
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.
”Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.”
”That must have hurt,” said the judge.
”No kidding,” said the best man. ”I broke three of my fingers.”