Show the map again!
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says “Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, the very fiber of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen.”
“OK”, the dude says, “tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blow job I’ve ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading. Because SHE LIKES IT, because SHE WANTS TO, because IT TURNS HER ON!!”
The Genie shakes his head and says “LET ME SEE THAT MAP AGAIN!”
Very large Bic cigarette lighter
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter…where did you get it?”
“A genie from a bottle granted me one wish.”
“Great, can I try it?”
First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish says the genie.”
The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”
The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12″ Bic?”
Ring my bell
In a house in New Jersey, the doorbell rings. The Madame (it’s one of those houses) comes to the door and answers it. There is a man with no arms and no legs on the doorstep.
“What do you want?” she asks.
“I want a woman,” he says.
“A woman? You don’t have any arms or legs. What are you going to do with a woman?”
“I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
“Add this up for me. A ton of sawdust, a ton of old newspaper, and a ton of fat. Now, have you got all that in your head?”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
Two drunks are making conversation at the bar:
-Tell me, how does your wife reacts when you come home drunk?
– I’m not married!
– And why are you drinking?